I work at a talent agency, where I make about one dollar an hour, just enough to cover about zero percent of my living expenses. [Disclaimer: agency pay L.A.-wide is typically low and all assistants know that going in – just want to say this so I don’t get in trouble.] However, this is HOLLYWOOD (imagine sparkly lights with that sentiment) where there is always something cool going on and so sometimes I get to pretend I am a fancy lady.
I had a particularly BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE the other week:
We have clients in Bring It On: The Musical and a kindly agent sent an email to all the assistants saying she had extra tickets for opening night. 1) MUSICALS! I love them; 2) FREE! I love this even more; 3) Possibility of a Kirsten Dunst cameo?; 4) I could do a step team routine in the aisle if the spirit moved me and it would be totally acceptable.
Clearly this combination of factors was golden. I had to go. Luckily I am ruthless when it comes to getting what I want BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE, so I broke out my lightning fingers and email-replied about two seconds later. DIBS.
That night, it was musical time at the Ahmanson Theater downtown! SPIRIT FINGERS! Surprisingly, it nothing to do with the movie. And then… DOUBLE SURPRISE: because it was opening night and we were VIPs, there was a celebrity- and food-laden after-party across the plaza.
The other assistants and I fell upon the rich food as if we’d never eaten before, which is partially true since our diets are mostly made up of spaghetti on sale at Target and a pack of 60-cent Ramen Noodles to wash it down.
But… there was nowhere to sit. All the tables were taken up by Important Hollywood People, including that kid on “Glee” who plays the gay-bullying bully who turns to be gay himself. Twist! We went outside to the balcony to sit on the floor. No one else was out there… EXCEPT STANLEY FROM “THE OFFICE” AND HIS WIFE. WHAT. I desperately wanted him to pull out a crossword puzzle, but it wasn’t to be. His wife offered us her chair when they were leaving and we were all like, “No, thank you. TEEHEEHEE OMG STANLEY!” Since we were only a foot away from them, I couldn’t take a secret cell phone picture.
But then we went inside AND LOOK WHO WAS THERE.
I know. I am a creeper with my creepy cell phone pictures. He was standing mere feet from us for about 10 minutes. Of course, the second I decide in my head that I would go up to him and tell him how much I loved the show, he walked away, but you know, the creepy cell phone picture is good enough for me.
We also saw this guy on the right from “Mad Men,” who is obviously so famous and important that I can’t remember his name:
After that, the assistants danced on the dance floor with the rest of the cast, who promptly showed us up with their “training” and “professional dance moves.” But you know what? Side-to-side foot-tapping is underrated, so maybe we were just as talented as they were.
The night was incredible. Sometimes… I am fancy.