That hiatus lasted longer than planned, oops. Here is a fun story to make up for it:
I started temping at a talent agency yesterday. Today, I had the heart-stoppingest worst task EVER. Let’s pretend you are me for a second. “You have an assignment,” says your supervisor nonchalantly. “Go to Assistant X and he’ll tell you what to do.”
“Okay!” you say brightly, wanting to be the Best Temp Ever, and head over to Assistant X.
Assistant X’s face is an impressively complicated mixture of boredom, annoyance, and general world-weariness that comes from God knows where. Clearly, you will not have much to chat about.
He indicates an impossibly high stack of headshots and cover letters sent by poor souls begging for the agency to represent them as commercial actors.
“We’re passing on all of these,” says Assistant X. “As a courtesy, we like to call them back and let them know.” He looks at you pointedly and shoves the headshots into your arms.
Can you guys read into this? I took the headshots back to my desk, picked up the phone, and had to call a hundred people telling them we’ve just rejected them.
I worked off a script. It mostly went like this: “HI, this is Best Temp Ever at Agency X. We’ve reviewed your submission…”
At this point, I imagined the actor holding his or her breath. Good news?! It has to be good news since Agency X is calling them personally!!
But then I deliver the cutting blow – “Unfortunately, we’re unable to offer you representation at this time” – and with that, I’ve become one more schmuck in Hollywood crushing a dream into little bits and then stomping all over the little bits into tiny, tiny dream dust particles to make sure the dream is totes magotes destroyed. The only thing I could do was make my voice all sympathetic, at which I am surprisingly talented. YOU’RE WELCOME, ACTORS!