So being the investigative journalist I am, I’ve already got my hands on the supposedly super-secret United Talent Agency (UTA) job list. It lists different positions with producers, agencies, and celebrities. It sounds uber-cool, but it’s actually filled with positions like this true example with very Devil Wears Prada-esque demands:
Part time, Personal Assistant position to a young, well known, Actress, Musician and Fashion Designer. Job duties include: errands, dealing with scripts to contracts, taking care of her small dog, liaison with managers, accountants, attorneys and agents. Resume’s without cover letters will not be considered. 4/20
Hey. Well known, Actress, Musician and Fashion Designer. Looks like those on-set school tutors didn’t do such a great job in Teaching You Where to Capitalize and Where, to Include Commas.
How am I supposed to believe you are even capable of retaining a manager, accountant, attorney, agent, and small dog when you write things like “resume’s?”
Positions with producers and agencies are a little bit better, but include phrases like:
– Must be thick skinned
– Must be professional, efficient and fast-paced, highly stressful environment with the ability to handle strong personalities
And lest we get too hopeful:
– This is not a creative position.
Good heavens, we wouldn’t want to get too creative in the entertainment industry. Can you imagine the disastrous results?!
When I was in L.A. a couple weeks ago, I went to interviews at two temp agencies just for kicks in case I actually did go through with my CRAZY IDEA to move to L.A. These agencies deal exclusively with studios. One man told me, in essence, to dumb down my resume. “Here,” he said, pointing at my latest job on my resume. “Can we change this ‘Writer/Editor’ title and duties to something more along the lines of an executive assistant?”
Somehow I’ve got to create some sort of wunderkind persona for myself, become famous and powerful, then post cool ads in the UTA job list. And I won’t ask anyone to take care of my small dog.